Truth In Wildflowers Read online

  The constant drone of the professor’s voice was wearing on me. I was losing my mind. I could feel it. The walls began to creep in on me slowly. Every time I looked up toward the professor, I saw them slink towards me out of the corner of my eyes. The fluorescent lights began stabbing at my eyes causing me to squint, and the solid plastic chair was driving its metal bolts into sensitive parts on my back. The whispers and giggles of the sorority sisters behind me slowly morphed into a nagging clucking. I reached back and felt my hair. Did it just move? I swear their feathers were ruffling it. I was under attack. I began to strategize an escape plan. The tiered desks made it difficult to make a crawling getaway. Sweet Sara, who always shared her notes with me, was to my left and giant lineman, Mike, was in front of me. To my right was some kid who slept through the whole class, although now I presumed perhaps he had already suffered at the hands of boredom. There was only one option. I was going to have to launch myself over the class and crowd surf my way to the door…

  “Class dismissed.”

  Oh thank you, Jesus. I threw my notebook into my bag haphazardly and made haste to the door pushing it open as the fresh air embraced me. I took a deep cleansing breath in and savored my freedom. As I soaked in the natural sunlight, I heard a low chuckle next to me. Without even looking, I knew it was August because of the chill bumps coating my arms.

  “It’s not funny. I almost perished in there.”

  He pushed off the brick building he was leaning against and came toward me wrapping me into the crook of his arm.

  “I’m so glad you made it out alive. I would have really missed you.” He kissed me on the top of my head leading me away from my almost certain death.

  “So, what are we doing today?” Before leaving me at my dorm room with a goodnight kiss, August asked me out on our first official date. We agreed on doing something after my class today since we both had the night off. I lied in bed all night anticipating what August would plan.

  It may appear silly to an average college girl who had gone on dozens of dates, but for me this one date was a first of sorts. It would be my first date since I’d banned myself from guys my last night of high school. Although, those encounters were never dates.

  I looked up into August’s smiling eyes and my stomach dropped. He was so handsome, and this was so easy. This thing where he picked me up from class and we bantered together strolling through campus, it was easy and natural. I’d toiled over the quick progression of our relationship a bit last night, but I’d come to one conclusion. It may be fast, but I was too fond of the wind in my hair to worry. Rather than holding tight and bracing for a crash, I was going to ride with my arms in the air and August by my side.

  “What are you grinning about, pretty girl?” He asked me. I wasn’t aware I was smiling, but not surprised. The smile had become a recent addition to my fall wardrobe.

  “I’m just happy. Happy to be with you, and to get to spend the rest of the day with you.” There was a time when I would have skirted around that question, but it had come and gone. I was no longer afraid of what would become of us. I was too busy enjoying what was us.

  “Me too. Very happy.” Before I could register what was happening August had me spun around with my back pressed against his truck. I was completely stunned and immediately turned on. All I could focus on what the feel of his determined hands gripping my hips and his feet stepping in between mine. My breath hitched when his legs brushed against my inner thighs. I wanted to tell him to hang on a minute, that people were staring, that I would happily let him manhandle me in private, but all I could muster was a breathless, “Hi”.

  “Hi,” he whispered back before he recaptured my mouth in his. His sweet assault nearly brought me to me knees. With every swipe of his tongue, my heart pulsated and I lost all sense of time and place. Completely absorbed in the feel of him pressed against me, I wrapped my arms around his head lacing my fingers through his hair and drawing him in closer. He let out a groan when I rose onto my toes brushing myself against just the right spot. Placing a couple gentle pecks on my lips, August pulled away and placed his forehead against mine whispering again, “I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of you.”

  I was still catching my breath and couldn’t utter a single response. I just stared wide-eyed and thoroughly kissed, as he reached behind me to open my door and help me in.

  * * *

  August’s idea of our first official date was one of the carnivals that came into town a couple times of year. Even though I had passed them driving here or there, I hadn’t actually been to one since I was a kid. Most of my fun now was that of the college brand; parties, Tommy’s, and maybe a concert on occasion.

  I was relieved at his choice. A carnival surrounded by families and kids didn’t invite any opportunity for me to get caught up in him. Though I was comfortable with being exclusive so quickly, the physical momentum of our relationship needed to move slowly.

  I’d been impetuous so many times before, intentionally losing all my thoughts in those moments. This time I wanted it to be different. I wanted everything with August to be meaningful. I needed to come out on the other side overflowing rather than drained, and I wanted to grasp every thought and feeling he conjured up in me. Deep down I knew that any level of intimacy with August would be momentous. I knew that it would have the likelihood to either unravel me or put me together. I hoped he would be patient with me.

  My reflective thoughts weren’t the only things that August’s kiss had spurred. The entire ride to the carnival, he and I both were taking any chance we could to touch or kiss each other. We held hands over his center consul and took turns leaning in for momentary kisses at stoplights. They were a welcome distraction from my introspection, and I reminded myself that no one really lives life fully if they are continuously thinking about it.

  I gazed out the window and admired the sky in an attempt to calm my restless mind. It had rained the night before and there was always something beautiful about the day after rain to me. Everything was more alive after the rain. Puddles pooled on sidewalks replaying the sky above through their ripples. Birds sung more, or louder, I’ve never been sure which. The scent in the air was more aromatic and fresh like a single downpour had the ability to wipe clean all of nature’s transgressions. I breathed in deeper the day after the rain. It was a perfect day to wonder the carnival outside with August. The translucent sky had only a hint of storm clouds in the distance.

  August brought up my hand interlaced with his and placed a kiss on it. I smiled at him and wondered how I got so lucky to be sitting here with this wonderful guy. I don’t think I ever did anything extraordinary that would have persuaded Karma to bring him to me, but I wondered what he was like before me. I imagined an adorable boy in grade school with messy brown hair and a smile that lit up his toothless face. I found myself wanting to know everything about him, not just the him now, but what made him the magnetic and enticing man holding my hand.

  “What are you so deep in thought about over there?” He asked as he tucked a stray hair behind my ear.

  “You. The you before me to be specific. I want to know everything about you.”

  He tensed a moment and swore under his breath. My eyes widened in surprise just before he slammed on his breaks.

  “Shit, sorry Kensie, are you okay? People around here don’t know how to drive with a little rain left on the street.” I nodded my head and wondered if his discomfort was from my curiosity or almost rear ending the car in front of us. Before I thought too much about it, he answered my question.

  “Well, I was a little punk in high school.” He laughed at the stunned look on my face.

  “You?”

  “Me.” He grinned at me. “Imagine Wes at fourteen years old, but with a little more sense.”

  “Is that even possible?”

  “It is. I was a living breathing oxymoron.” He laughed and told me about he and Wes in high school. They really did get themselves into some trouble. I never would h
ave imagined a young August covering his science teacher’s car in silly string. Wes all the way, but August I’d expect to be the kid who stayed a little late to help the teacher carry his supplies.

  The further he got into his reminiscing, the more his stories turned from the practical joke variety to experimental. He told me about the first time he and Wes smoked weed and wound up in his gutter eating a box of croutons. He even so kindly told me about ditching class to practice his ‘skills’ with his girlfriend behind the gym bleachers. He obviously noticed that my mind was visually bitch slapping the ho, when he rubbed my knee and said, “It was a long time ago.”

  As we neared the carnival, I wondered what had cause him to turn his life around. I suppose just growing up and getting older would make a person who was once careless, find some direction. I had been in a similar place in high school though, and for me, I had to want the direction. It wasn’t a natural shift just because I grew up. I had to come to a place where I realized the way I was sloppily coasting through life was not going to land me in a good place. Even still, life didn’t turn the way I’d wanted.

  Chapter 10

  I hadn’t been to a carnival since I was a kid. It all looked exactly how I remembered it to look. Rows and rows of games with prizes to be won, rides that tilted and twirled, and food trucks lined up and emitting the smell of all things sweet and fried into the air. Every ride and game tent was adorned with lights that would eventually cast a glow into the sky for a couple miles once the sun went down.

  “So what first?” August came up from behind me wrapping his arms around my body and placing his chin on my shoulder.

  “I’m starving. I say we sample some carnival cuisine first.” I swear I could smell the chocolate sauce smothered funnel cake from here.

  August cringed at my suggestion. “We can’t eat first Kensie, we’ll lose it all on the Tilltorama.”

  “Who said anything about the Tiltorama? I don’t do tilting. No tilting, twirling, spinning, plunging, none of it. They make me sick. I will, however, ride anything that moves at a steady pace in one direction, eat as many fried Oreos as I can get my hands on, and kick your ass in all the games.”

  August laughed at me, and grabbed my hand leading me toward the food trucks. “Does this ass kicking come with and sort of incentive?” He rubbed his hands together and raised an eyebrow at me. “I’d be willing to forfeit, in the event that you kiss it and make it all better.”

  I rolled my eyes at him. “Oreos. Now.”

  Three corndogs, two bowls of chili cheese fries, one funnel cake draped in chocolate, five deep fried Oreos, and one fried Twinkie joined us at a picnic table under some Oak trees. We may have gone a little overboard, but it had been so long since I had any of this. August was happy to make all of my artery clogging carnival food dreams come true.

  Halfway into my chili cheese fries, I noticed a young dad with his daughter at the ring toss game. She had to have been around five years old all dressed up in a purple dress with a tutu skirt and her hair in a tiny braid. She waited on bouncy toes as her dad tossed ring after ring into the sea of bottles.

  He tossed the last ring and it clanked around one of the bottlenecks. The little girl squealed in delight and wrapped her little arms around her daddy’s legs smashing her cheek against his thigh. He laughed and reached down to pick her up so she could point out the stuffed animal she wanted to take home. It was the sweetest sight and reminded me so much of how my dad and I were when I was young. I was a daddy’s girl through and through. There wasn’t anything I believed my daddy couldn’t do. I silently hoped that this dad and daughter kept their bond much longer than I was able to hold on to mine.

  The ringing of another game snapped me out of my memories. I looked over to August who was watching the same scene take place. Where I watched reverently and even with a shadow of a smile, August watched with a different expression. His eyes were far from the crinkled smiles I usually saw and seemed to be forlorn. I wondered what he saw when he watched the pair to cause such a lost look.

  As far as I knew, he and Capri had a great family and their upbringing was as close to perfect as it could get. Whatever caused it, I was sure he would reveal to me in time.

  Even though we had an instant connection, we were still just getting to know each other. For now, I was determined to take the sad out of my handsome guy’s eyes.

  I nudged August with my shoulder breaking him from his daze. I could see him silently shake himself, and then my playful August came back and kissed me on the tip of my nose. “Let’s go, pretty girl, I’m gonna win you a teddy bear.”

  * * *

  I remember seeing a news report once about these carnival games. Apparently they rig them so that it is nearly impossible to win. At least, that’s what I’m going with right now as August attempts the fifth game of the night. He missed every shot in the basketball toss, he couldn’t get a ring to wrap around a bottle, he fell off the ladder climb time and time again, I watched ping pong balls bounce off the edges of fish bowls to the wood chipped ground, and right now we are waiting our turn for the water gun game. As the last round of players clear the seats, August and I sit down side by side. I quickly notice we are the only two playing this round, so odds are in our favor. Question is, do I let him win, or do I kick his ass?

  “Okay, Kensie,” August squat down beside me, “It’s really pretty easy.” I held back a snort at that. As easy as the last four games I wondered? “The trick is to keep both eyes open. People always want to close one eye when they aim at the target, but you get a more accurate shot with both eyes focused on the clown’s mouth. Once you get the shot right, just hold the gun steady until the balloon goes up to the top and dings the bell. Got it?” Did he really just explain to me how to play one of the world’s simplest carnival games? Decision made. I’m kicking his ass.

  “Okay, so do I hold it with one hand or both?” I asked innocently as he climbed back into position at his seat. He laughed at me, “Both, Kensie. Both.” Duh, but I wasn’t going to tell him my dad taught me to shoot when I was eight and that I had a better shot than most of his friends that went shooting with us every weekend. No, I was just going to enjoy this ass kicking.

  The carny announced one last time that we are about to begin in case any passersby wanted to join in. It was still August and I when he began his countdown, and on three, two, one, the buzzer sounded. I took quick aim shot steady stream of water straight into my clown’s mouth all while August fumbled with his gun. He shot a couple way ward streams, even hitting my target once before he hit his target in the clown’s mouth.

  I was inches away from winning, so I took a second to glance over at August who wasn’t following his advice very well. He was hunched over with one eyes closed and his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth. He looked so focused and so damn cute. Not even a second later my bell went off signaling that I won.

  August jolted from his concentration and looked around dumbstruck. Then he zeroed in on the dinging light above my bell and looked over at me slowly.

  “I guess I won.” I shrug my shoulders and smiled sheepishly at him.

  He shook his head and grinned in disbelief. “You played me, Kensie. Not only did you play me, but you kicked my ass.”

  I laughed as we got up from our seats. “Sorry, you were so determined to help me understand the game, I didn’t have the heart to tell you I had this in the bag.”

  Judging my his smirk I could tell he wasn’t buying that, and that he knew my true intentions were to show him I was just fine winning on my own.

  “Alright, but I still get to pick out your prize for you. I need to feel like a man at some point and give my woman a damn stuffed animal.”

  “Fair enough, cave man. Drag back something pretty.” A couple minutes later August returned to me with the most adorably hideous stuffed dog I had ever seen. It was an awful shade of lime green with one eye sewn a little low and to the left. There was a puff of stuffing coming out of the
stitching at its rear end that I pulled out when he handed it to me with a cheesy grin on his face.

  “For you, woman,” he huffed and pounded his chest.

  “It’s perfect,” I laughed and took his hand into mine while snuggling my new pup under the other arm. “Where to next?”

  “I think I’m done with the games.” He looked at me sheepishly. “Maybe some rides?” I opened my mouth ready to remind him about my standards for carnival rides but he spoke before I had a chance too.

  “I know, slow and steady, no twists, no turns, no upside downs and inside outs. I got it.” Then he leaned over and placed a soft kiss on my lips causing a momentary jolt on me. I’d have to become immune to those lips at some point. They were constantly throwing me for twists and turns.

  August was true to his word and we only went on rides that would have received a senior citizen approval rating. We currently waited in line for the huge Ferris wheel and I was admiring how beautiful it looked all lit up now that it was dark. Earlier this evening, it was nothing but a big hunk of metal creaking and groaning as its cars went up and around. Now it was a spectacular canvas of lights that seemed to streak across the sky, leaving tails of color as the carts went around.

  It was almost enough to take my mind off how terrified of heights I was. Almost. But my nagging fear was making itself known as we inched up in the line. August must have noticed the change in my demeanor and my sudden bout of silence.

  “Hey, everything okay?” He asked as he turned me around to face where he stood behind me in line. He wrapped his arms around my waist and looked down at me in worry. For a brief moment the safety of his arms vanished my fears, but then I looked up.